


5 Times Noct Tried to Bang Ardyn

by nickofhearts



Series: The Adventures of Prince Noctis and Funny Hat Man [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: M/M, hot for teacher
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 03:32:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9216707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nickofhearts/pseuds/nickofhearts
Summary: +1 Time Ardyn Threw Him Off a Roof





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dreamingcicadas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamingcicadas/gifts), [whitewingedcrow](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=whitewingedcrow).



**I.**

Noct was _bored_. 

Hat Man hadn't come to see him in _weeks_ now, too busy "running an empire" or whatever it was he was doing that was more important than keeping Noct out of trouble. 

Noct could still remember the way he'd been lit up by moonlight that night he'd come in through Noct's window, his coat like a dark shadow pooling across the floor. He'd said, in that voice that always made Noct shiver hot and cold, "if you manage to kill yourself before I return, _dear Noct_ , I will raise you from the dead and _murder you again_."

Noct had held out his arms for one last hug, and Hat Man had muttered something under his breath that probably wasn't very nice, but acquiesced, even going so far as to pat Noct awkwardly on the back.

-

Noct _hadn't_ gotten into that much trouble since Hat Man had been gone. There'd been a few instances where he'd been distracted and walked off a ledge or in front of a speeding vehicle, but knowing how to warp meant that he'd gotten out of those scrapes with little more than a gust of wind in his face.

He resolved not to tell Hat Man about the unfortunate incident in the kitchen with a fire spell, all the same.

-

It wasn't until he'd caught Gladio flipping through a magazine of scantily clad women and then been sat down for a long treatise on the attractions of the fairer sex and how Noct was getting to the age where he should be thinking about "sowing his oats", that Noct realized he didn't only miss Hat Man, he _really missed Hat Man_.

The girls in the magazine had been nice to look at, but they didn't make his heart speed up like Hat Man did.

Hat Man was just so strong, and solid, and Noct couldn't help thinking back to the first time he'd accidentally fallen out a window and thought he'd been about to die with a terror that had frozen him to the bone, but been caught in Hat Man's embrace instead. Noct had never been afraid of falling after that. He knew Hat Man would always be there to catch him.

That was what he'd been thinking about when he'd gotten into bed that night, experimentally running his fingers over his cock and trying to figure out what he liked best.

Some more pressure, and maybe, Noct reached over to his nightstand where he'd unceremoniously dumped his jacket earlier, wrapping a corner of it it around his palm and then resuming his attentions on his cock. That was almost like the kind of gloves Hat Man wore, wasn't it? Noct gripped a little harder, toes curling as he stroked himself, and he'd been almost there when Hat Man himself had come through the window and—

Noct gasped out his name with unreserved ecstasy.

 

**II.**

Hat Man was remaining oblivious to his attentions no matter how clearly Noct tried to express himself. Gladio's magazines had been all about "speaking with your eyes" and "showing with your body language" how much you wanted them, but Hat Man didn't so much as gaze longingly back into Noct's eyes as he glared murderously at him whenever Noct managed to cause some new accident that had the potential of being catastrophically fatal.

Noct figured that it was either go for broke or _actually_ throw himself out a window in despair.

He curled his fingers in Hat Man's scarf and tugged, meaning to pull him down for a passion-fueled kiss, but Hat Man was unmoved. 

"What are you doing," he asked with a despondent sigh, as if everything Noct did was meant to cause him great agony, which was then followed by the usual. "I'm going to kill you."

 _Your books are useless_ , Noct thought to Gladio, then went straight for the direct approach. "Fine, but can it wait until after we fuck?" He put his hands on his hips, staring Hat Man down in a challenge. "You don't want me to die a virgin do you?"

Hat Man just stared back. "What."

Noct reached out and tried to unbuckle his vest, or push his coat off, or at the very least undo his scarf, but Hat Man's clothing proved excessively difficult to remove. "Why do you wear so many layers? Aren't you hot? Is this a kink for you?"

Hat Man slapped his hands away with what Noct thought was more force than necessary, giving him a look like he thought Noct might have had hit his head harder than usual when he'd walked into a door that morning while he'd been on his phone, and irreparably damaged himself. " _What is wrong with you._ "

Noct growled in frustration, then stormed off to the bathroom, angrily jerking himself off while he thought about how nice Hat Man's eyes had looked with that scarf. What a fucking disaster. Well, at least he'd learned that he was into rough and angry, because that was the fastest he'd ever made himself come.

 

**III.**

Noct hadn't _meant_ to warp into an exploding canister, things like that just happened around him. Constantly. Why had there been an exploding canister there in the first place? That couldn't be safe. As Noct had just very clearly demonstrated.

Hat Man looked _really_ mad this time though, his coat still smoking and his eyes glowing red with the warning that the swords were about to come out.

Noct hesitantly took a few steps back.

It was immediately obvious that that had been the wrong course of action, as Hat Man ran at him and slammed Noct against the wall with a hand around his throat. Just tight enough that Noct was starting to have trouble getting any air.

"I am going to kill you _so very_ slowly, Noct." He said, tightening his grip so that Noct couldn't breathe. "And I am going to enjoy _every moment of it_." 

Noct's vision was gradually going dark, but Hat Man was so close, and that look in his eyes when he was focused solely on Noct, if Noct could just reach down and—

Hat Man stepped back suddenly, dropping Noct so that he was half collapsed against the wall, hand in his pants. He asked, with the desperation of a man who had experienced unspeakable horrors that were beyond human imagining, and yet nothing could have possibly prepared him for this eventuality: "Are you—are you _getting off on this?_ " 

 

**IV.**

Hat Man had been more annoyed with him than usual after the exploding canister incident, and though Noct could tell that he was still around, still making sure Noct didn't get himself killed through some freak accident that was completely preventable, he wasn't letting Noct catch even a glimpse of him at all. Noct sighed. Drastic measures were needed. 

That was why Noct had been going to sleep in the nude, keeping his eyes closed but staying firmly awake, waiting for just the right moment.

Hat Man always checked up on him at least once in the night, though Noct was hard pressed to imagine that there was much trouble he could get into while he was sleeping. " _You'd find a way,_ " Hat Man had told him when Noct had asked a long time ago. It was nice knowing that Hat Man was there watching out for him. 

Tonight, when Hat Man leaned in close, Noct quickly swept his legs up in the takedown he'd been practicing with Gladio, and Hat Man was surprised enough by the move that Noct had had him straddled before he could throw Noct off.

Noct _wasn't_ prepared, however, for Hat Man to immediately flip them back over, tangling Noct up in the sheets so he couldn't move.

Hat Man stepped back with a dark smile on his face, and Noct couldn't help but find that _really hot_ , especially when Hat Man followed it up by giving Noct a lingering look that made it clear that there was little to nothing Noct could do in his situation. "I should just leave you like this for the maids to find in the morning," Hat Man said, and _oh_.

Noct couldn't help squirming just picturing it, knowing that Hat Man would be somewhere close, watching the entire time. 

"Oh _for_ —" Hat Man muttered angrily to himself as Noct came all over the sheets. He slashed through them with a quick swipe that didn't even leave a single mark on Noct's skin, then disappeared swiftly back out the window. 

 

**V.**

The internet was a frightening place, but just this once, it had been worth the many traumatic things that had come up in his search for something to _really_ get Hat Man's attention and prove to him that Noct was serious about this. 

Noct strung up a scarf on the beam according to the instructions, tying the knot like the picture showed. 

It wasn't one of Hat Man's scarves, unfortunately, because Noct hadn't been able to steal one, but it would have to do.

Noct put his head through the loop, undoing the buttons of his jeans slowly, drawing it out as he thought about how Hat Man always seemed so angry with him, but was always there to protect him, never letting Noct too far out of his sight. He thought about tangling a hand in Hat Man's hair, dragging his teeth over Hat Man's lips, and kicked the chair away. He only realized then that he'd tied the knot wrong and it wasn't going to release. It was terrifying to think that of all the ways he'd almost died, it was _actually going to be by his own hand_ like Hat Man had always predicted. 

That was when Hat Man appeared at the edges of his vision, materialized all his swords, and sent them through the beam so viciously that the whole thing collapsed into dust.

Noct fell into his arms, coughing.

" _Why are you like this,_ " Hat Man lamented, looking at Noct in a way that had always made Noct feel so special, like he meant more to Hat Man than anything in the world.

Noct clung closer, resting his head on Hat Man's shoulder. 

Everything would be fine. Hat Man was watching over him.

 

**+I.**

Noct dangled his legs over the edge of the roof where he and Hat Man had shared many an afternoon together, where Hat Man had held him aloft and threatened to drop him repeatedly, even though Noct knew he never would.

Hat Man let out a long exhale, as if he was gathering all his strength for the conversation. "Noct, you know that I am actually going to kill you—"

Noct frowned. "You threw me out of the way of a bus this morning."

Hat Man gave him a look like he really wanted to take that back right this _moment_ , before he visibly restrained himself. 

Noct felt his heart start to race as Hat Man gently put a hand on his chest instead, leaning in ever so slowly like he was finally _finally_ going to kiss him, Noct's eyes fluttering closed as Hat Man murmured softly in his ear. "Don't forget to warp."

"What?" Noct had time to say, before he was being shoved over the precipice.


End file.
